Say Goodbye...

As most everyone knows, Harland and I are no longer together. It was his decision, and even though I was devistated, I have not felt like he has been in love with me for a very long time and would love to be able to feel like the person I was with loved me whole heartedly and if he didn't feel that way then it is better that I know now. It was very hard for me at first, I actually don't think I've ever been more upset... but I feel like we both got closure today. We had a good talk about how he is basically emotionless, that he was deeply in love with me at one time but can't help the way he feels and that it wouldn't be fair to me to be with someone who didn't feel the same way. We both pretty much agree that he is not a relationship kind of person. Yes, this breaks my heart...but I've been dying for him to show me real affection for so long that it does make me happy to know that I will be able to be with someone eventually who does feel that way. Of corse, I would prefer that to be Brodie's daddy but I can't change the way he feels...all I can do is be on good terms with him for Brodie. These few weeks have shown me that I am able to survive this and that this is probobly for the best. I hate that Brodie has to split his time between us-- but Harland and I decided to be great friends bc we still love each other, it just doesn't make sense for us to be together anymore. We will still be able to hang out together with Brodie which makes me very happy. While we were talking, I felt like he was my best friend again, and that I could completely be myself and talk to him about anything. My friend Jordan was watching Brodie while we talked, and heard us and said she was very proud of how we are handling the situation...and so am I. He said that if I needed anything, he would always be here for me. He also said he would pay my bills at my apartment...and of course pay child support.
I have been living with my AMAZING friend Jordan who, without her, I wouldn't have been able to get by. I plan to get my own apartment very soon and so is Harland--- we will probobly live very close for Brodie's sake. I am taking classes online so that I can get my life in order and I am stopping at nothing to get a job this week. Can't wait to start my new life and I can't wait to find out what's in store! You never know what is just around the corner...

This will be my last post from Brittany, Billy, and Brodie...thank you all for following our journey, but it's definitely not the end...of mine.

Just a Little Catch Up!!

So if you haven't figured out yet, I don't have the internet at home...hense no blogs. boo. So while I'm at Jordan's, I'll catch you up real quick.

I took a month off school... I really hate my school. It's an hour away, have to wake up extra early, no one at my school is remotely interesting to talk to, no time to be with Brodie, ugggh i can't WAIT to graduate...which is going to take even longer with me taking off but whatever I needed a break.

Brodie is getting so biiiig. He's 25 pounds (100th percentile, 95th of his height and his head is in the 97th). He's crawling everywhere, standing until he realizes he's doing so, makes "duck" lips constantly, is talking like an alien, walking with a walker, starting to eat table food and finally feeds himself (he would never put ANYTHING in his mouth so I had to constantly feed him with his own hand to show him).

We've been going to the pool mmm..like everyday. Everyone says I look Dominican. Jordan graduated and moved close (FINALLY) so I've basically been a 3rd roomate to Jor and Kelsy (they tell me to do dishes hah). Erica did my hair twice, just went blonder the second time and I love it. Never been this blonde! We've been having lot's of couples game nights...LOTS of fun! I've LOVED just being a house wife and mommy...wish I could do this forever but it's time to get back to the real world. I just got a job at a Nannying Agency called Moms Best Friend...so I start in a few days and I can work when I need to. I'm suppose to start school in a week and am hating it. I'm considering going to school at night while B is asleep so I don't have to miss time with him.

Erinn and Jessica are getting married next month so congrats to both of you...can't wait to be there! So far we have 3 weddings to go to this year, which makes 10 weddings that Harland and I have gone to together... in 2 1/2 years. Holy Moly.

Brodie's Bday is next month!! 1 YEAR OLD! We are having it at the park across from my house and will probobly make it an adult party once the kids have gone to bed bc it's pretty rare that both Harland and I's friends all get together...esp with the friends from out of town. VERY excited.

It's definitely looking like the BEST summer ever!...

bummer.

uggggh. need to vent.

does anyone know what the term "BEST FRIEND" means?! 4 times in my life i thought i had what a "bf" is suppose to be... and everytime got COMPLETELY f'd over.

-one kissed a very serious boyfriend
-one chose her boyfriend over me, who she ended up dumping soon after (apparently
she could be friends with me and have her boyfriend at the same time.)
-one stole tooons of my things including a LOT of money
-and now one just decided that she no longer wants to be friends with me bc of who one of my friends is!

i am so sick of feeling like this. why is it so hard to find a friend that truely loves and cares for you? i cared..and still care deeply for those girls, so how can they just drop me like I'm no one to them?! it's a very lonely feeling. i do have a lot of great friends but i don't really have that one person i can call at any time and tell everything to anymore (besides H of corse). i would love to have another Maid of Honor bc my sister is only 16 and can't really handle all of the MOH duties alone...but i dont really think that even any of my close friends would really qualify. MOH isn't someone you just replace. im extremely hurt, i really didn't think this friendship would end.

pretty depressed...going to go drown my sorrows in some mint chocolate chip icecream.

When it Rains it POURS!

So much has happened since I last wrote...

Monday
Went to the park with Brodie (we have an awesome park in our front yard!)

Thursday

Lost my job at Chuy's! I was soo sick of that place, and coming home late then getting up early for school...not sad about leaving, just sad about lack of cash money!

Saturday

Went out to eat with Jess and Parker, then went to Alfred Angelo to watch Sonia try on dresses. She found a great dress, she looked gorgeous.

Sunday

Went to church and then Harland's family came over and we grilled out...then went to see Date Movie.

Tuesday

My brudder came over!

Wednesday

Hailee came over and WOW was that a crazy day. Her son, Blayden, has never met his grandparents, (from the dads side) so we spent two hours looking them up online. We finally got ahold of them and they didn't even know Blayden existed! Exstatic doesn't even describe how they felt. They drove from OK the next day to meet him. I am so glad I got to be a part of that! Love you Hails!

Thursday

Took the hardest test of my LIFE! Almost every single thing about hemotology... but made a 97 bc of a 10 point curve! haha

Friday

Amber and Kendall came over for lunch. We ate pizza and watched The Lovely Bones...bc I missed her bones. Jess, Parker, and Cody came over later and we did the usual...play board games haha. Then Harland, Brodie, and I went to the Chili's I use to work at and got some free food.

Saturday

Went to look at cars bc I can't pay my car payment, so most likely we're going to give my car back and just trade Harlands truck in for a car for me..and be a one car family. YAY. How are we going to do that? No idea. So we drove a bunch of cars and when we were on our way home I realized my phone wasn't in my pocket anymore. Son of a biscuit-eating-bulldog. Went back and it was no where to be found! urrrg. Later, I drove Harlands new truck (a manual!!) to Erica's and chatted, and got a haircut! :) She's the only one that's cut my hair in the last 2 years! LOVE you girlie! Then drove to my uncle and aunts house to watch my cousins. Harland supprised me by coming over and keeping me company :) My cousins are ADORABLE. I painted the girls nails, watched a barbie movie, read them stories, and tickled their backs. Conversations with a 3 and 4 year old are priceless. Audrey (3) says things like "It takes SO long to drive to Kansas, like 50 SECONDS!" and "Brittany, you're the best." She cuddled with me on the couch and put my arm around hers, while Allie sat next to me but didn't want to be cuddled. Then they talked about their dog Carlos having a boyfriend in Heaven, and when Allie had to go to the bathroom, Auds said, "THIS is going to take a while!" HAHA they just crack me up. After we put the kids to bed, Harland and I relaxed and watched Shawskank Redemption. SUCH a good movie!

Sunday

Church with Harlands fam, then went to Isabella's (one of Harlands' Goddaughters) 4th Bday party. It was great to see Taylor again, it's been a LONG time!

Then we went to Harlands softball game

That's Daddy in the background. I know, I should be a professional.

Today

Got out of the shower with Brodie, NAKED, and Hailee was in my room. hahaha. That was a nice supprise! She had a bunch of clothes for Brodie...and then she dropped a bomb. She's moving to OKLAHOMA!!! :( She wants to be closer to her sons family which is great, but not great for me :(
-----------------------------------------------
So when it rains it pours...

-lost my job

-lost my cell

-lost that closeness with a best friend

-lost a friend to OKLAHOMA

-oh...and got a friggin ticket.

But a lot of good has happened too...

Harland and I have only fought really about one thing in our whole relationship (besides smoking haha)..which is his drinking. He doesn't drink often but when he does... another person comes out. So after making some stupid decisions, we talked and decided we are just not going out without each other anymore. It's just not healthy in a relationship (unless you can do it right, and most couples can't.) There are certain times of corse when we will...for a few hours but it's definitely not going to be how it has been. We went to church last week and Pastor Bryan said that he felt that he was there to talk to someone, that someone needed his prayers and that if anyone wanted to come to the front to get a blessing, they should. So at the end of the sermon I was getting up to leave, and he said, "babe, I'm going to go to the front." I was like what?! So I went with him and he said that he has not been the spouse that I deserve and that he wants Gods help to stop drinking and he wants to be everything that I deserve. I, of corse, was sobbing. A couple tears were running down his checks as well, it was a great moment. Our relationship has been amazing. We've said to each other a bunch of times that we're like how we use to be...it's nice to have that feeling again, and know that he has it too.

This new MOD at school is by far the hardest. Anatomy and EKG (electrocardiography). So far I've learned a TON about blood, circulation, and the heart. 4 tests so far, (2 100's) and still no B's! Knock on wood.

Brodie has grown up SO much in just a few weeks. He is really crawling, he can stand on his own for a few seconds, he stood up in his crib for the first time today! (Pic later) Can't wait for his 9 month checkup. (doc's office was so busy they can't see him for 3 weeks!)

Here is Brodie crawling, starting at 6 months crawling backwords to turning his body, to army crawling to finally crawling for real. Enjoy!

The greatest thing that has happened is I am growing closer to God everyday. I have never had this type of relationship with Him before. I feel like a completely different person. I have kept true to my word, reading the Bible almost every day, going to church every Sunday, and praying everyday. I never realized how great the Bible is! I've never had any desire to read it but it's like a thirst for me now that has to be quenched. This is my favorite verse I've read so far that's really helped me in this tough time:

"Do not worry what shall we eat or what shall we wear for your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:31-34

From now on I'm going to leave ya'll with a verse. Hope everyone has a great rest of the week!

Easter 2010

Holy Moly..I hate having no time to blog, it all runs together and I literally have anxiety until I get everything out. So while Harland makes din din, I will write :).

Brodie had his first Easter (such an exciting holiday for a baby...but aren't they all!?). We went to church then my Uncle and Aunts house.

Cousin Michael with a pink stroller...


Allie in the bounce house

Brodie going down a slide for the first time!


(Not a huge fan.)

After the Easter Egg Hunt, Brodie scored two eggs haha.

Then we went to Dustin's Parents house for another Easter Egg Hunt.

Addy looooves Brodie, can you tell?

Sonia helping Ily put eggs in her basket

They were even until Brodie sat down...Ily went flying! ahha

Me and some short old man. :)

Two of my favorite girls!

Then we played Red Neck Golf... classic pics. (We beat Nick and Dustin both times...but what's new? muahaha)

Two AMAZING meals in one day. Great Holiday.

Brodie Bear....

...is

-getting closer to REALLY crawling everyday. I videotape everytime he starts scooting HOPING I can get his first real crawl on tape. But I'm sure it'll be when I'm at work or school.

-says Mama everyday.

-is starting to pull up, he gets one foot all the way up and the other one's stuck...and he starts yelling. haha

-makes what my sister calls the "butthole" mouth on command. haha

-stands holding onto something with one hand

-claps when you clap

-grunts when you grunt

-is starting to reach out to me when he wants me to pick him up (my fave)

-wears 9mo-18mo clothes.

-eats 2 jars of food and a bottle at most feedings

School

ohhhh school. I try to tell myself I don't hate it. buuut I do. can't wait to graduate!!! I'm in my 3rd Mod bc I took off a month to work when Harland didn't have work for what turned out to be a whopping 4 days. Anyways, I've made all A's on every test, project, quiz, and presentation...not just for this class but in everything I've done so far this year. Pretty proud of myself...but I don't think (actually I know) this wouldn't be the case without Brodie. We're doing urinalisis and such right now. Bleh.

Oh! And I might have changed my Major to Cardiovascular Sonography. They make about $200,000 a year, instead of Diagnostic Sonography who make approx $100,000. I'm not nearly as interested in the heart as I am with babies obviously, but for an extra $100,000 a year I think I could be! We'll see...

Work

Love the people I work with...hate the job. Can't wait to not serve ungrateful assholes.

Social Life (ha.) Well I did manage to find some time to enjoy myself the last couple of weeks...

Went to Orb with Sonia, Nick, and the rest of that crew for a few hours.

The next weekend we went to another bar for her cousin's bday

Monday was my friend Jen's babyshower... everyone from work was there...definitely the best babyshower I've ever been to. Beerbongs and shots of crown? You know I was making an appearance. I would put up pics but DAVID..sucks. :) David, Brehn, "Kamwin" (cough cough), and I got her the carseat she registered for. She got hooked UP from everyone at work!

The next weekend Harland and I went to my good friend Shantae's bday dinner at Houlihans (OMG AMAZING!) in Addison. New favorite spot! It was so good to see Shantae...he's one of the funniest, down to earth, wisest people I know. We definitely need to get together more often!

The next night we went to Jessica & Cody's. They brought their A game with fajitas and margaritas! Sadly for them they did not bring their A game playing Buzz Word, and got schooled 3 times in a row. and it was our first time playing. Their son Parker is 2 weeks older then Brodie and definitely showed him up in preeeetty much every single way. Crawling all over the place, pulling himself up...that boy's gonna be smart!

Harland & I
We're doing great...just wishing we could spend more time together! He just brought me in a salad and is making dinner as soon as he walks in the door from work...I guess I should go help!


Love, peace, and chicken grease.

Worst day ever?

-6:30am: Got up, played with Brodie bc he was up for some strange reason, left for school.
-8:15am: Rear end the car infront of me on the highway. Look at damage...there is none. Don't have my licence or insurance on me bc I'm always with Brodie and it was in the diaper bag. I don't carry a purse bc my bag is ginormous. She decided to call the cops. I asked her to look at the back of her car bc there was no damage but one very small scratch. She said, "that's your opinion." and I said, "well that will be yours too if you get out of your car and look!" "No, I'm not looking." WOW. I call and get my policy number for her and when I do the cop FINALLY shows up.

-8:45: Runs my name and asks me to get out of the car. I had a ticket from years ago that I never paid bc I was living in Austin and thought I wouldn't get in trouble for it, esp when I have been pulled over since. (Yes, like a dumbass.)
-9:00: Got booked and felt up... and sat in a cell by myself for an hour (while reading a wedding magazine.)
-10:20: Constable took me to Irving Jail and I waited to get booked for 2 hours. Had to take my bra off at that one. I was lookin GOOD. I also had only had a 5 hr energy shot for breakfast bc I was planning on eating at school...I was staarving.
-12:00: Chicken.Pot.Pie. Who served it? A guy I graduated with at Allen. I started talking to him and he wasn't allowed to say anything back.
-1:00: Still not booked in...Harland has been waiting for hours. When I ask why people who got here hours after me are getting booked and I still haven't, I get the response, "YOUR IN JAIL! YOU SHOULD HAVE PAID YOUR TICKET!" oh and BTW, they told me that no one had asked about 'Barton' yet. I was freaking out thinking Harland wasn't there... when he had infact asked if he could bail me out countless times. BITCHES.
-1:20: I am still not booked, but I am taken into a cell? Hmm... (H can't pay and get me out until I'm booked...you can't be put into the actual jail without being booked!) As I walked into the main part of the jail I felt like I was in prison...Irving Jail doesn't mess around. It was very intense. Sat in my cell and looked at the wall until I made myself fall asleep.
-2:40: They let all the girls out of their cells and we lined up against the wall, head touching the brick, hands behind our heads. After the frisk, I stepped back one step and the woman officer SCREAMS "GET BACK IN LINE, HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!" I looked at her and she said "THAT IS NOT A REQUEST!" I put my hands behind my head and started bawling. I felt like the biggest piece of white trash.
-3:00: As soon as it was over, they called 'Barton' on the loud speaker and I yelled "THANK GOD!" I brought my blanket and mat to the front and got my bra and changed out of my prisoner clothes. ($878 bail.) Walked out and Harland, Monica, and Brodie were waiting for me...like they had been for hours.
-4:00 Pick up my car from the impound lot. ($118...which is pretty friggin good!)

Total Money Spent on BS: $1,250 including the money Harland and I both would have made at work today. Oh and that's not including if that biotch who called the cops in the first place somehow does something to my insurance...but what the hell can you do when there was NO DAMAGE!?!

PS. All of that money came out of my wedding fund... now I'm down to $1,700 :(



Today blows.

Happy Birthday Ambularr!

Amber requested that I post everyday (ha!) but for her BIRTHDAY I will put more effort into writting more.

SPRING BREAK! whoo-hoo!... ha. not what it use to be! But for me, AMAZING. I wasn't suppose to have one, but when H got laid off, I decided to take off a mod and work full time. So here was my SB:

Most important... HARLAND GOT A NEW TRUCK! We also took care of all his warrants (from unpaid tickets and probation) which has been hanging over our heads for a while! :) We just have to take care of his licence and pay probation now. Thought it would be years till we got here... sooo excited!
-was making some mad money, so decided to spoil Brodie for the first time. Went to Once upon a Child and Kid to Kid and spent $200 on toys and a nice highchair.
-had lunch at On the Border with Alyssa and Maddox
-bought B a new awesome car seat for his fat butt

-went to Blackfin with Erica, Megan, and Nicole...and BRODIE. hahah it was for lunch.
-had the best time I've had in Dallas on St. Pattys day on Greenville.

-ate at Blue Fish with Erinn, Harland, and Jessi
-had dinner with all the coppell girls for Kels' bday and went back to her house to party
-went to erica's new apt to take care of her dog...MAN i miss having my own place! haha
-completely re-did our living room, painted, hung up our new TV above the fireplace, moved all the furniture around...now we're painting our bedroom and I bought a bunch of new things for it.
-visited Harland's dad in the hospital, they had to give him 7 pints of blood (we have approx 10 in our bodies).

-we all went to Chuy's in Dallas afterward. It was the first time we've ever all been together, and the first time in 10 years that Harland was with his mom, dad, and all his siblings!
-went to my Chuy's with my siblings :)

-went to the bookstore with Brodie and played in the Kid Section and read books..and bought books.
-went to eat on the patio with Harland, Brodie, Monica, Nick, Sonia, and Ily at one of my FAAAVE places Mi Cocina. (Brisket tacos are to DIE!)
-out to eat at Maggianos with all of them also
...so basically I did a lot of eating out hahha. 8 times in one month... dang...and I'm going out to eat tonight for Ambers Bday haha.

BRODIE
He is 8 months and is...
-crawling (sort of) backwards haha

-JUST GOT 2 TEETH! never thought that was going to happen
-got his first booboo. he somehow got to the other side of his crib and knocked down his mini humidifier. poor baby!

-FINALLY SAID MAMA!! it was just once, but we got it on tape! haha
-says "nyny" when he's going to sleep! i think it's the first one he's said that he understands
-22-23 lbs. last time he was weighed was 2 months ago and he was 21.
-watching "Your Baby Can Read" and really enjoys it. I don't let him watch any other TV so that he will pay more attention to it.

-He is sooo much fun, and is literally the easiest baby. I love him to death.



PS. Thank you to all my AMAZING friends for helping me out with Brodie while I was working or going to school!
Sonia has watched him a million times.. I don't know what I'd do without her!
Stephanie you're always there for me and it's so appreciated!
Lynsey is driving all the way from Denton to watch him Friday morning!
My Mother in law to be is my lifesavor, I wouldn't be able to go to school at allll without her.
My Mom has watched him over night about 5 time which is so awesome.
My sister is amazing with him, and he's a big fan of his aunt winsey. haha.
My aunt Michele has 3 kids and still takes him when I'm really in need. AmAZing.
Hailee, Alyssa, Nicole, Andrea, my Gma...Thank you all so much! Brodie and I love you very much!